It has been way to long since I have posted anything.
A year has passed since my decompression and I am not much better. In fact, I am worse than I was prior to surgery. My pain is constant and no one seems to want to treat me due to the lack of knowledge of Chiari. I recently went to see my Neruosurgeon to find out why I am unable to move my right arm. After more CT's the conclusion was that it is not nerve or Chiari related and there is nothing more they can do for me. They did call me with good news today. They are making me an appointment with a Pain Management Clinic. I am hoping beyond hope that I will finally be in less pain and have some sort of normality back in my life.
Moving on to the mental health portion of this post.....
I never realized how much pain and mental well being go hand in hand. I have found myself falling into serious depression. I have anxiety/panic attacks daily, sometimes as many as 4 a day. The part that scares me the most is when I start feeling as if my family would be better off without me. That is when I knew there was a MAJOR problem. A Chiari friend of mine on facebook told me to stop and think about what it would be like 24 hours after I was gone. How would my family be acting? That really made me stop in my tracks. I am in no way saying that I want to commit suicide, but I understand from my heart why people in chronic pain do attempt/commit suicide.
I have been trying my hardest to "push through" all the emotional pain and physical pain I have been in without bothering my family and friends. But you know what????? It is nothing to be ashamed of. KNOWING when you need help is the first step. I finally opened up and told my husband that I can't continue to keep all my pain and emotions inside. It is causing me even more pain.
I am hoping that since I have decided depression is nothing to be ashamed of, I will finally be able to get the help I need and can continue to post more often here. I think and hope that this blog will not only help me, but can help others too.
Love to you all!!!!!!!
